Read this. Or don't. I don't care.

My life sucks. I have things that I'm happy for, my family, my health,
the fact that I can pay my rent, and so on and so forth. At the same
time I realize things could be MUCH worse than they are. The fact is
that I've been blessed, or cursed with ambition. I haven't been happy
in my life in nearly three years. Just before my old poker shop closed
down. Prior to the shop closing, my net worth plateaued. On May 2 2007
I had $11,700 in the bank. Today I have $4. The fact is that money
like that is like heroin. Once you've had it, you always want it and
you'll never be happy with what you've had before. Anyone who says
money can't buy happiness is only half right. Money can't buy
happiness, but it's MUCH better to have it than not. I can never be
content making what I make now. I have realized that I will never be
able to fund the life I desire with what I earn at my job. Sure, I
could have a breakout week. And mabey I'll make a good check here and
there but the fact remains, history is the best indicator of future
performance. In the time I've been in sales, I've never made a
breakout check more than 2 weeks out of 3. So I'm going to have to
find another way to make money. That brings me to the reason I feel
the way I do. Until September of last year, I had reasonably good
credit. Then I quit my job in an attempt to improve my life. Of course
that went nowhere and as a result, my credit's been bad ever since.
Yesterday I made another attempt to start a business. (For those
counting, this makes 5.) I went to the Apple store inside the Forum
Shops to lease the equipment to begin creating apps for iPhone OS. But
my credit put that idea in the drink. No problem, I'll just go to the
stores in town that sell laptops from consignment. Only they don't
offer credit. They have layaway though. The problem is if I can't use
the computer until it's fully paid for, I might as well save up and
buy it outright. So for the moment, I have no savings, maxed out
credit cards I can't pay, and no hope of ever being able to make good
money. I hate my life. In fact there's only two things preventing me
from jumping off the nearest tall object. First is my family. I don't
want to imagine my mother burying me. Second is if I do that, then the
forces that are conspiring to harm me win. But they won't win. I have
no idea how yet but I won't let them win. I'm an inventor. The best
quote I've ever heard about inventors comes in the form of a dialog
between two characters from a cartoon from the 90's. A bunch of
inventors have been trapped by a time traveling villian. Ben Franklin
asks "What do we do now?" And Leonardo Da Vinci responds "We are
inventors! We will invent!" I am an inventor. I will invent. G'nite.