Read this. Or don't. I don't care.

My life sucks. I have things that I'm happy for, my family, my health,
the fact that I can pay my rent, and so on and so forth. At the same
time I realize things could be MUCH worse than they are. The fact is
that I've been blessed, or cursed with ambition. I haven't been happy
in my life in nearly three years. Just before my old poker shop closed
down. Prior to the shop closing, my net worth plateaued. On May 2 2007
I had $11,700 in the bank. Today I have $4. The fact is that money
like that is like heroin. Once you've had it, you always want it and
you'll never be happy with what you've had before. Anyone who says
money can't buy happiness is only half right. Money can't buy
happiness, but it's MUCH better to have it than not. I can never be
content making what I make now. I have realized that I will never be
able to fund the life I desire with what I earn at my job. Sure, I
could have a breakout week. And mabey I'll make a good check here and
there but the fact remains, history is the best indicator of future
performance. In the time I've been in sales, I've never made a
breakout check more than 2 weeks out of 3. So I'm going to have to
find another way to make money. That brings me to the reason I feel
the way I do. Until September of last year, I had reasonably good
credit. Then I quit my job in an attempt to improve my life. Of course
that went nowhere and as a result, my credit's been bad ever since.
Yesterday I made another attempt to start a business. (For those
counting, this makes 5.) I went to the Apple store inside the Forum
Shops to lease the equipment to begin creating apps for iPhone OS. But
my credit put that idea in the drink. No problem, I'll just go to the
stores in town that sell laptops from consignment. Only they don't
offer credit. They have layaway though. The problem is if I can't use
the computer until it's fully paid for, I might as well save up and
buy it outright. So for the moment, I have no savings, maxed out
credit cards I can't pay, and no hope of ever being able to make good
money. I hate my life. In fact there's only two things preventing me
from jumping off the nearest tall object. First is my family. I don't
want to imagine my mother burying me. Second is if I do that, then the
forces that are conspiring to harm me win. But they won't win. I have
no idea how yet but I won't let them win. I'm an inventor. The best
quote I've ever heard about inventors comes in the form of a dialog
between two characters from a cartoon from the 90's. A bunch of
inventors have been trapped by a time traveling villian. Ben Franklin
asks "What do we do now?" And Leonardo Da Vinci responds "We are
inventors! We will invent!" I am an inventor. I will invent. G'nite.

A very important day

Since at least 2005, my dream has been to start my own business. I've
made at least 4 different attempts to do so and all thus far have come
up short. Today I made my 5th attempt. I went to the Apple store
inside the Forum Shops for a meeting with a business consultant. My
plan was to use Apple's corporate credit to get what I'll need to
start my app development business started. I selected one I liked, and
I started the process for getting credit. I've long feared the
mistakes of my past will come back to haunt me. And the cost is more
than I can bear. And it came to pass. My bad credit was a determining
factor in their decision not to work with me. When the system
automatically identifies me as a poor risk, and employees are helpless
to change that decision, my options are quite limited. So what's next?
My overall plans remain the same. I WILL bring my app to market. And I
WILL launch my site. I'm now investigating the options I have. First
and foremost, I need a new(or more accurately a different) MacBook. So
I'm going to find a used one and wipe it with a new copy of Mac OS.
Then I will build my new app. Then using the revenue from my app, I
will launch my site. But what about eBay? I've been letting it be for
some time while I got my app business together. Now, I'm going full
bore into eBay. My first listing will be up soon. Look for it. And
stay tuned. I may be down now. In fact I'm quite down. And it'll be a
while but, soon, and forevermore, I'm goin' up! :) $$

Big night tonight.

In approximately five and a half hours the most important meeting of my entire life will take place. I'm going to meet with a representative from Apple about leasing all of the equipment I'll need to begin creating apps and marketing on eBay. It's a good day. Stay tuned!

What's next?

For the last 6 months I've been planning how to launch my business. In
short it went "Get back on feet financially; get own apartment; pay
down credit cards and improve credit, get business set up; enjoy
life." That changed on Thursday. I had a card declined for purchase
for the first time ever. I have been charged a late fee despite paying
the payment on the day it was due. And because of the policies at
Capital One, I can't afford to pay the minimum payment anymore.
Because of this my credit probably won't be good for some time. As
such, I have to redefine my business plan. Odds are I won't qualify
for a Merchant Account for a while so my won't be accepting customers.
When I realized this I wasn't happy to say the least. Then I played
around with an iPad at a Apple Store and I realized that there are two
ways I can react to this turn of events: I could let it break my
spirit, or I could use it as motivation. But what is that path now? I
have had a site for the last year planning to launch an e-commerce
business. And I still plan to. But the situation requires me to triage
my plans for now. I have to make money online without a Merchant
Account. Luckily there's a way. It's not quite as attractive as
running my own site but it's a proven system, and lots of people have
used it to make a great income. It's even traded on the NASDAQ. It's
eBay. I've been planning on using eBay for a long while but until now
it's been an afterthought. A hobby. Now I'm going to take it
seriously. I fully believe that I can use eBay to make enough to cover
my expenses. But obviously I have no desire to simply cover my bills
each month. I want real success. But how? I need a product I can sell
that's not tied to my credit. And I really believe I've found it. I'm
not the first to this market either. But I will be the best. That
market is the Apple App Store. I will become an app developer. I have
lots of apps in the works already and as soon as I can I'm getting
started. For now I will be finding a way to buy what I'll need. At the
minimum I'll need a new Mac, the iPhone SDK, and an iPad. I'll need
one to test my new app. Another thing I want to do is finance my
investment. Why? After next month, more likely than not I won't get
any credit for a long while. And I want to get this going as soon as
possible. If I save up the money, I'll be at least a year until I can
get going. Also Apple offers interest deferred financing if your
purchase is over a certain amount. I'm really excited. There are
nearly 100,000,000 devices that use iPhone OS. That's a massive
market. It's time. I'm excited. I'm goin' up! :) $$

What's in my wallet? Not Capital One:

I've gone in to detail about how I need to keep up on my bills. It's
important because I need good credit to get a decent discount rate
come time to set up 1every for customers. Knowing that, I've been very
diligent about keeping everything in order. Today that changed. I
decided to go eat lunch today for the first time in two weeks. I go to
my favorite restaurant and give the nice cashier my Capital One credit
card. A card I'd had for two years at this point. For the first time
since I was approved for my first card 8 years before, my card was
declined. But why? I called up and a women with a heavy Indian accent
answers saying her name is Ashley. She even fumbles the time of day
"how is your eveni--day going?" I ask why my card has $3 available
when it should be more than $50. After all, I paid the bill
electronically on the due date. She asks if I'm aware of the cutoff
time. I know what's happened. According to their standards, I've paid
the bill a few hours after a arbitrary time of the day. Keep in mind
the time isn't mentioned on the bill, only the date. So I've been
charged a past due fee, for a bill that was LESS THAN ONE DAY LATE!
Worse, the normal payment is roughly $20-$25. This month it's almost
$60. Remember I have an insurance payment and rent in the same time
period. I could have barely afforded to make the minimum payment and
their greed now means they get nothing. Want to screw me? Screw you. I
paid the bill on the day it was due and your greed ensures it will be
a very long time before you get your money. In short, what's in my
wallet? Not Capital One. Never again.

Stay tuned. In part two, I am going to explain how I will be modifing
my plans given the way Capital One threw a wrench in the plans I'd
had. Have a great day. Take care.

It's more than a slogan

Every entrepreneur has that moment where they realize they can't or
won't work for someone else. Mine came in 2005. I can remember it
well. I was working at a plastic part manufacturing facility. I'd has
this job on and off for years. I'd been able to work myself up to a
wage I'd though at the time was respectable. $8.10/hr. Of course
that's really not good money at all but in the limited world I'd known
at the time it was ok. I had one goal while I was working there. I
wanted to be a mold tech. Not only did they command the princely sum
of $14/hr, they had a much more relaxed time. They didn't need to keep
up with a machine all day. And I felt like I was well suited to the
task. I've always been mechanically inclined so I'd ne a natural for
the job. At the time I didn't understand the finer points of office
politics required to be a success. I do now, I just don't want to do
it. So after three stints of employment, totalling more than two years
I'd been passed over for the promotion I'd wanted. It was a classic
catch 22. Before they'd consider letting me become a mold tech, I
needed experience. But in order to get the experience, I needed to be
able to learn. Long story short there's little chance I'd be a mold
tech in the next 5 years. One of the most important things about the
job was the ablilty to keep up with the machine. Parts tend to warp
when they're left where they land and that makes them unusable. So
it's very bad to fall behind. There was a project we were doing that
seemed to be kryptonite to me. Try as I might I could never keep up on
it. So one night, I was in the trying to get caught up when my boss
decided to yell at me for falling behind. I then back the injection
nozzle from the mold, empty the barrel of plastic, and shut the
machine off. After that day, I realized I could never be an employee
and be happy. 1600 days have passed since then. Yet I'm still working
for someone else. Why? The answer is simple. The grandest of
intentions are nothing compared to the simplest action. I've been
planning for a long while now and I think I'm finally ready to take
the first step. Within the next 24 hours I will be selling my first
items on eBay. Once I make my first profits online it's on. The simple
fact is that I've allowed myself to become complacent in just getting
by. My job won't ever pay for my business. It's unfortunate but it's
the truth. The leads just aren't good enough. After tomorrow, watch
out. This is just the start. Have a great night. And starting very
soon, I'm goin' up! :) $$

I want an iPad. Here's why

I want an iPad. I have ever since I saw it introduced in January. I
consider myself a rational person so why on earth would I want a first
generation, overpriced computer I can't use at home and won't be able
to sell? To understand let's go back to last year. I became fed up
with my cell phone. It had low quality audio, callers couldn't hear
me, and it never seemed to send text messages. I chose AT&T because
I'd read that they were investing heavily into thier network and
hiring a lot of people. And once I'd decided to use AT&T my phone of
choice was obvious. I wanted an iPhone. Now, I'd seen ads for them for
over a year and was quite impressed when I played with them in stores
but until now, I'd never actually wanted one. I go to an AT&T store
and I get my iPhone 3G. And it's great. I love the UI, the ease of
use, all the apps and the overall quality of the phone. Are there
things I don't like? Sure but on balance the benifits far outweigh any
downside. It's also important to understand that this was the first
Apple product I'd ever bought. I'd used Macs since jr high school but
I'd never owned one. So my first exposure to Apple technology was a
very positive one. Also, as long as I can remember, I've always wanted
to have the latest and greatest technology. From the Super Nintendo,
to the PlayStation 3 I've always wanted what's new. The iPad is a bit
different. Until now, I couldn't hope to use technology to generate an
income. Now I can. The fantastic user experience aside, the iPad has
unique productivity apps that make it possible to generate income. The
potential of iPad aside, how do I afford one? Apple offers a unique
program whereby if the balance is paid off I can have interest
deferred financing. The amount of time varies according to the total
financed and everything I need for my iPad comes to just shy of
$1,000. That would buy me a year to repay without interest. This is my
first true test. I probably can't cover my rent from my online
business. I can't use the Internet to buy a new car for a while. But I
truly believe that I can use the Internet to buy my iPad. So this will
be a key proof of concept. I want an iPad. But more importantly I want
to buy my iPad using income from my online business. So it was
written. So it shall be done. Because I'm goin' up! :) $$

Hello iPad

I've always considered myself a man of reason. So why do I want an
iPad when I can't afford one, I can't use it at home, and won't be
able to sell it once it's old? The answer is simple. I have seen the
iPad. I have used an iPad. I love the iPad. I want to use the
utilities it offers. Does my job require slide presentations? No. But
I want to be able to create them using the interface iPad offers. The
fact is I'll probably don't need the spreadsheet to keep my books. But
I want it. I want to be able to use one single system for everything.
And I've decided to become an app developer. My idea could
revolutionize the industry I'm targeting. I'm a mac. I like apple
products. Now, if you've followed me for a while you know that I've
made several impassioned pleas to apple regarding it's business
practices. I still don't like the way apple does business. But the
fact remains, no computer passes the "it works" test as well as apple.
Believe me, I've tried to use other programs but the apple experience
is seamless. Because of course, it's designed to be seamless. It's the
same as if I were to use nothing but HP for everything. But I choose
to support apple, not because Steve Jobs needs more money but because
they provide a unique user experience unlike anything I've ever used.
My iPad purchase is premature. I know that. But I don't care. One
thing above all else I learned from Robert Kiyosaki's book "Rich Dad,
Poor Dad" was this: If you think "I can't afford it" you'll never have
what you want. What you should think is "how can I afford it?" Because
that's the way way successful people think. So I am buying an iPad.
But first, I have to think " how can I make enough supplemental income
to afford this?" I don't know yet. But as soon as I know the answer to
that question, rest assured, I'll explain here. Have a great night.
And remember, iPad or not, I'm goin' up! :) $$

Sent from my iPhone

A new chapter begins

During a mans life he inevitably experiences days that looking back on
it were key to his future. Sometimes these are easy to see, a
graduation, wedding, the birth of children etc. Today is such a day
for me. In about 4 hours, I'm going to meet with my former employer
and ask him for my job back. The reason for this is that I've
unfortunately made the same mistake twice. I want to start my own
business and my overwhelming desire to do so has led me to twice walk
away from jobs without enough resources. Granted this time I was in a
much better situation than ast time. In fact, I had near to the dollar
twice in the bank this time compared to last time. But alas, it wasn't
enough. Now, I must clarify the reason I'm so anxious for the meeting.
Although this gentleman has a track record of rehiring people, and was
sorry to see me go, it's not certain. But I plan to assume the sale
and go in under the assumtion that I'm already hired. As I'd tweeted
yesterday, his words once I'd mentioned I was thinking about coming
back were along the lines of "Yeah, we're hiring, but I have to see
how many leads we'll get. I'll call you tomorrow." Now, he never
called me. But that's a part of his charachter. He often spaces out
calling people. It's just who he is. But being the salesman, the
absence of no by default means yes. And he didn't call me to say no.
So I'm going in tomorrow under the assumption that I'm starting again.
Now, I realize they won't give me a huge number of leads and I'm ok
with that. I understand the importance of those leads and I'm willing
to call thru the discard pile to find a sale. I probably won't make
tremendous money to start but anything's better than the nothing I'm
making now. So mark the calender. On April 5th I'm starting over.
Again. But, (and this is important) I'm in a MUCH better spot now than
I was in November. I have my own apartment, I have a much more
productive season ahead (no one buys what I'll be selling in winter)
and I have more motivation now, than I have in almost a year. So here
we go. In 4 hours, a new chapter begins. I'm goin' up! :) $$

A small step back:

I am a man of my word. I do not say things lightly. So when I said I'd
never again be in sales I meant it. The fact is that due to
circumstances beyond my control, I need a way of making money. And I
need it to be relativly stable. And my old job had both. I knew that
even if I didn't make sales, I still had something. Now, remember that
it came down to $5.295/hour. (See http://bit.ly/a6zlk9 for details)
Which at the time was an insult. Pure and simple. Still is. But the
fact remains that making $5.295/hour I can pay all my bills. Not much
beyond that but I can pay my bills. Making the nothing I'm making now
I can't. And as I'd said yesterday, my credit is one of my biggest
priorities. One thing that I said often during my tenure in sales is
that sometime before you can take a giant leap forward you must take a
small step back. In my case I'm going to go back to a job I really
didn't like in order to take that huge leap forward. My mindset is
completly different this time. Before I'd thought that I'd found a
place I could possibly advance my career. Now it's just a job. I get
in, I make my calls from bell to bell, I go home. I am a setting
machine. Nothing more. This allows me to use my spare time to make
money online. And I can now do it right. Taking my time and devolping
websites that actually provide value to my customers. Rather than
desperately trying to monetize them. I'm excited. I'll get to stay in
my house, fullfill my lease and retain a fairly good credit score.
Good times ahead. In fact, I'm goin' up! :) $$